A friend of mine recently asked me a mind-blowing question. Here is what he asked me:
Would you be friends with someone who talks to you the way you talk to yourself?
My answer was a firm “NO!” This question definitely opened my eyes. My answer also surprised me because I have read books, I have attended seminars, I have experimented with numerous methods to change negative beliefs that didn’t support me loving myself, and even with all that, there are still times when I am not very nice when I talk to myself.
What about you?
What do you say to yourself when you look in the mirror?
When you discover you can’t zip up your favourite jeans anymore?
When you remember the time you made that mistake ten years ago?
Would you be friends with a person who talks to you the way you talk to yourself?
If your answer is also a firm “NO!”, that is awesome! You’re aware that you do deserve to be treated better. That is a very important first step.
Many women are so hard on themselves, and most of us don’t even realize it because most of what we think about ourselves is thought unconsciously and usually goes unnoticed by us.
Why Don’t You Love Yourself?
Let me ask you this question in another way.
You make room in your heart to love other people. Why don’t you make room in your heart to love yourself?
If you don’t love yourself the way you deserve to be loved, you have unconscious beliefs in your mind that are against you loving yourself.
Even as you are reading this, you may be thinking somewhere in your mind “I am not worthy of love”. Thoughts like this one usually go unnoticed by the thinker because most of us were not taught as children to pay attention to the way we think, especially about ourselves.
So day in and day out, most women (even men) unconsciously bombard themselves with unloving thoughts. “I’m not good enough”. “No one will ever love me”. “I’m too fat”. “I’m so ugly”. “I am stupid”. And the list goes on.
Where do these thoughts come from? Most of these unconscious beliefs that I am referring to were made when you were a child! Something happened and based on that event, you decided. You decided you aren’t good enough. You decided you’re unlovable. You decided you aren’t beautiful. You decided you’re unworthy.
Before reading this blog post, you may not have even been aware that you’ve been putting yourself down because these beliefs play quietly in the background of your mind, over and over again. Silently tearing you down.
Please understand that you’re not alone with this. I have heard many women make unloving comments about themselves without being aware that they were putting themselves down. I used to do it too.
Why You Should Be More Loving with Yourself
There are many reasons why you should learn to be more loving with yourself. The way you think about yourself influences ALL the other relationships that you have with other people. For example, if you unconsciously believe that you’re unlovable, you may tolerate someone calling you names, or someone taking subtle jabs at your self-esteem in order to make you feel bad about yourself.
Another reason that you should be more loving with yourself is that you’re with yourself ALL THE TIME. How depressing must it be if you are constantly bombarding yourself with negative self-talk day in and day out? If you wouldn’t treat another person this way, don’t you think you deserve more from yourself too?
You may be saying to yourself, “Okay, Alicia. I agree with you. What do I do now?” That is a great question!
One Simple Method to Be More Loving with Yourself
There is a method that you can use to begin to plant seeds of self-love in your mind. It is making a list of your own amazing qualities that make you special. If you’re a generally a loving woman, it’s time for that loving eye you have for others to expand to include yourself.
Think of this as a job interview. You go in to talk about your strengths to convince the person interviewing you that you have the skills they are looking for. In a situation like this, you’re thinking, “What is it that I bring to the table?”
With this exercise, you are shining a light on what you bring to the table in the other areas of your life. I understand that beginning to think about yourself differently may be challenging at first, especially if you have a habit of thinking negatively about yourself.
You can start by asking yourself these questions. What do I bring to the table as a partner, spouse, or lover? What do I bring to the table in my friendships? What do I bring to the table as a family member? How does a person benefit from having me in his or her life? Then start, writing your answers down!
I created a free worksheet to help you with this exercise. You may print the worksheet, and write your answers directly on it. Click here to get your free worksheet.
For better results, read your list aloud twice per day. You can read your list when you wake up and before you sleep at the end of your day.
We spend so much time shining our loving attention on the people in our lives: our partner, our children, our family, our friends. It is time to share the love with yourself. Take 15 minutes a day to create lists of why you’re so awesome – because you are. Doing this daily will open your eyes to what an amazing woman you truly are. You will begin to shift your negative beliefs about yourself, and you will begin to see yourself with new eyes – loving eyes. You will begin to warm your heart with love for yourself. Remember, you deserve it.
Lots of Love,
Emotional Healing Coach
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